Playing Cowboys and Indians

Back in India where I come from, I was referred to as a "coconut" - brown on the outside, white on the inside. Yes, it was indeed a racial slur to refer to how I was more like a westerner in outlook than a person of my own race and culture. It was mostly used in passing and as a relatively harmless jab in typical guy-to-guy banter.

However, as that old saying goes, "As you speak, so it shall be."

So when more and more tongue-in-cheek references to my cultural displacement were hurled at me over the years (that too with increasing hostility), was it really a surprise that I finally decided to accept the situation and leave? To move to a place that might not alienate me?

But where did this cultural displacement start? I can't be absolutely certain, but I have a theory based on some of my earliest memories.

I must have been just 3 or 4 the fist time I saw Clint Eastwood in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly". His striking image with the Cowboy hat and gear was burnt into my brain. At that moment, the little child that I was had a simple, innocent thought: "I want to be a Cowboy". Of course, growing up in America would have allowed for such a vocation, even if indeed said vocation is not quite what it once was in the old Wild West. But to have that chance while growing up in India? Absolutely none at all!

Other than regular sports caps, the concept of hats never really caught on in India. So without the basic accessory of the Cowboy anywhere around me, there really was no point pursuing that lifestyle. Besides, the cultural differences alone were too great to accommodate such a leap in lifestyle. Of course, it was just a childhood fantasy! And it stayed that way for pretty much all of my youth.

I'm not absolutely sure if watching The Good, The Bad and The Ugly was what triggered my near-obsessive interest in Hollywood, and English language based entertainment in general. But as far as I can remember, I was only ever interested in watching anything that was either American or British. At some point, I even started mimicking the characters on screen. Very soon, I was picking up accents and usually it was the generic American accent that was dominant. All this was happening from my early childhood and as you'd imagine, the cultural divide it caused between myself and everyone else around me was growing wider as I grew older.

Unsurprisingly I was mocked and bullied heavily at school and even at University - because to my peers, I wasn't just "different", I was "from another planet". Obviously all of the negativity and indeed hostility had a heavy impact on my mind. I was silently beginning to resent my own culture, and indeed my own country. In addition, the fact that Indians from different parts of the country are very different in culture and language certainly didn't help me! And it especially didn't help that the main common language of the country was not well spoken in my old neck of the woods and because of which I was never really proficient at it. Heck! I wasn't even proficient at my own regional language thanks to my heavy preference for English.

Much later, in my late 20's I got the opportunity to work in the USA for a long term contract. I was absolutely thrilled! I moved there with over-the-moon enthusiasm and I made friends with the Americans left, right and center (and yes, you can take that in a political context too!) The Americans thought I was born and raised in the USA, so when I told them that I wasn't they were shocked! I even fell in love with an American woman! Everything was going well for the little Cowboy-wannabe in me! I could even foresee moving to a rural part of the USA and actually live my childhood dream of being a real Cowboy!

But sadly, the dream came crashing down. My contract was starting to look shaky after an organizational restructuring. My relationship with my then girlfriend was also beginning to have problems mainly because my family in India was dead against it owing to their limited beliefs and views (she was black and older than me, and therefore "unsuitable" in traditional eyes). Not too long afterward, my American dream was dead. I lost the job contract, I lost the relationship and I returned to India, utterly shattered.

While back in India again, I was no longer the same. I was broken. I knew for sure at that point what I had already been feeling for almost all my life - I was meant to leave. Having had the chance to experience the USA only set that feeling in stone. I was happier in the two years that I was in the USA than I was in my entire life in India. So that settled it - I just had to leave! Unfortunately, I couldn't get another opportunity to return to the USA. So then, out of sheer frustration, I decided that "anywhere but here is fine". Soon afterwards, I got the opportunity to travel to South Africa for another job contract. I was on the airplane faster than you could say "Happy trails!" That was in 2018.

I've been in South Africa for seven years now. A lot has happened since I landed here. I'm now in a permanent relationship with a wonderful Afrikaner lady and I'm stepfather to her teenage son. I don't work for my previous employer in India anymore. I will soon have my permanent residence permit and perhaps even South African citizenship in due course. I have acclimated to life here and funnily enough, it's not that different from an American lifestyle. Of course, it's nowhere close to as "rich".

But in terms of my old Cowboy dream, something amazing happened! While it isn't heavily prevalent as it is in America, there is in fact a "Cowboy-esque" lifestyle among the Afrikaners. And since I'm basically married to one, it only felt natural then to get myself a decent hat and general garb that matched the lifestyle. While my hat isn't a proper Stetson, it is a rugged and dependable farmer's hat that has come to look like a Cowboy's hat.

So it seems that slowly but surely, my old dream is returning to reality. How far would I go with it though? That remains to be seen. But for now, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. While the statement is not technically correct since I'm an Indian in the literal sense and not an "Indian/Injun" in the Native-American sense, I am indeed "Playing Cowboys and Indians!"

Let the adventures continue!