Integrate Yourself!

I am both nice and brutal. How? Because I've INTEGRATED. If you're not sure what that means, then let me tell you a little story that might explain it well.

In my childhood, I was the class comic. I was the mischievous one. I was the one smiling like an idiot when I did something really silly and got into trouble. I was the nice guy, and therefore I was also the one who was naive. I let dark-hearted individuals take advantage of my good heart. I believed their words, and I paid the price. Slowly but surely, my own heart grew colder and after years of having to fight with disingenuous people in all arenas of my life, I turned stone cold. The fatal blow came when I realized that the very people who were supposed to provide me my safe space were in fact no different at all from the ones I'd been fighting with. That was when I went full tyrant and went on a vicious rampage of REVENGE!

The nice guy faded away into the background. For years, he was neglected and he watched as the brute went forth making his mess. Indeed for years, I was a MESS! Taking on the persona of the brute had done serious damage! Relationships and friendships were torn apart. My health began to take a beating as well. I was starting to age rapidly. Then after a major life event that heralded massive humiliation, the brute finally gave up.

From the wreckage of my life at that point, the nice guy slowly emerged from his isolation into the light. But his confidence was completely shattered. He couldn't do anything by himself. Meanwhile the brute, now left in ruins, curled up in the same corner that the nice guy had been in for years.

Thankfully, there were good people around who picked me up and encouraged the nice guy in me to show up more. They became a new safe space for me to step into the shoes of the nice guy again - to be who I really am once again. It took time - a few years in fact - but I finally found myself.

But then the dark forces emerged on the horizon yet again. Panicked, the nice guy in me called out the brute for help. It was an understandable mistake to make. After all, it was familiar territory for the brute and he had been sleeping long enough. He needed a workout and was raring to go! The brute in me was armed and ready to let loose the dogs of war. But the nice guy was worried that this would be the past all over again, or worse! So he reminded the brute that their shared body - my body - was no longer the weapon it once was. This was the first time that the two started to have a real conversation. They started doing something that had never happened before - they worked together. They would be each other's ear, each other's confidant, each other's advisor.

(Note: It definitely helped that my wife understood both my sides and helped to be an "intermediary" between the two in the beginning!)

The dark forces piled up in a very short timespan, almost as if this was the final showdown. Some of them had to be fought. Some had to be ignored because they weren't worth it. Some were lingering around to be handled another day. But no matter what, there was now an eerie calm in my mind. Both the nice guy and the brute in me had found a way to INTEGRATE. They were now ONE - the man I am today.

I am both nice and brutal. I was born nice, but along the way, I've learned to be brutal. But I've also learned to choose wisely now. So what you see in me will depend on two things: 1) How you speak to me or treat me and therefore, 2) What the nice guy and the brute jointly decide to do with you.

Good day!